[The following is a transcription of the Spectronomy podcast episode 43, hosted by paranormal investigators Felix Axton and Ezekiel Michael “Zeke” Fenton.]
FELIX:
Hey… Hey Zeke…
ZEKE:
Yeah?
FELIX:
Did you move my mic before we started recording?
ZEKE:
What… No?
FELIX:
Because it’s like… [FELIX’s voice gets subtly louder and clearer] Look, it’s usually like right here?
ZEKE:
We got here at the same time; how could I have moved it?
FELIX:
Then… [suddenly excited] We gotta investigate in here later, oh my god…!
ZEKE:
No…
FELIX:
No, nono, dude, this is awesome!
ZEKE:
[interrupting] It’s not… The studio is NOT haunted…
FELIX:
But what if it is, right!? Wouldn’t that fucking rule!? Then we could get a poltergeist on the show live!
ZEKE:
We did this whole song and dance off-air a few weeks ago when you saw a bagel on the table.
FELIX:
Yeah, you remember that, right!? It was an everything bagel with like, swiss and spinach or some shit!
ZEKE:
You remember what was on it…?
FELIX:
Because neither of us eat that! I don’t even get bagels at all, dude!
ZEKE:
Felix… Felix!
FELIX:
Y-yeah?
ZEKE:
This is a shared studio space, remember? I looked it up, and the owners of the place have been renting it out to another team doing their own podcast.
FELIX:
… Huh?
ZEKE:
Yeah, I dunno what their show’s about, though.
FELIX:
Oh. [pause] Do you know when they’re in here? Because if they’re here closer to night time, we can ask if they heard anything weird in the building–
[FELIX is cut off by the podcast opening music. As the music fades back out, FELIX introduces the podcast proper.]
FELIX:
Welcome, everybody, to Spectronomy, your local - or not-so-local - study on all things weird and spooky! With you now, are your hosts: paranormal expert and ghost specialist, Felix –
ZEKE:
- and spiritual photographer - open for any contracts with regular photography - Zeke –
FELIX:
[holding back a giggle] - giving you the latest updates on the city’s most recent hauntings and happenings! As a very quick reminder, everyone, this is a stream meant for adults - not just because of how spooky shit can get down here, but also how sexy~ it can get, too! So if you’re not comfortable with sexual content, or you happen to be a minor–
ZEKE:
[cutting FELIX off] - then find another podcast to finish your homework to, Timmy!
FELIX:
Yeah, just hop off, find someone else to be your background track, because tonight, we’re on the forefront!
ZEKE:
What does that mean… No, wait, you’ve done this line before, and last time you did it, you had “visual aid” for the night’s production!
FELIX:
That’s right, everybody, today you’re gettin’ selfies from yours truly, featuring a special guest!
ZEKE:
[more amused than exasperated, but ZEKE sounds a bit worn out saying this] This oughta be good…
FELIX:
So this all went down in the southwest end: around Donsberry Park, there’s this worn-down lot with a couple abandoned houses here and there. Now, some of those houses are less abandoned than others, word on the street is~!
ZEKE:
I think I know the place; when you say they’re “less abandoned”, are we talking more people, or ghosts?
FELIX:
Both!
ZEKE:
Oh…!
FELIX:
Yeah, a few folks were holed up in one or two of the houses when I was down there. Not a great place to spend the night in, though; it was kinda drafty in there…
ZEKE:
[whispering directly into the mic] New shelters… Get on it, city hall…
[FELIX is laughing to himself as ZEKE whispers into the mic.]
ZEKE:
[now at regular speaking volume] Rich assholes keep bitching about people stuck on the streets every year, and every year we get shittier, less people-friendly benches replacing perfectly serviceable park benches; do something helpful with that money for a change!
FELIX:
[laughter has gradually become slightly nervous] Here’s hoping our sponsors don’t hear that~
ZEKE:
We have sponsors?
FELIX:
[correcting himself] Potential sponsors. Anyway, there weren’t just people facing the violences of capitalism there!
ZEKE:
Right, right…
FELIX:
And I encountered a particularly special guest in one of those houses!
ZEKE:
Oh…?
FELIX:
So this actually happened around the upstairs bedroom, a little after midnight…
[A computer mouse clicks, as the first photograph appears.]
ZEKE:
Ohp! There it is, full-frontal cock, so soon into the podcast! Hard as a rock, too~
FELIX:
And would you believe me if I said I didn’t take this photo?
ZEKE:
Absolutely not.
FELIX:
Oh.
ZEKE:
Like, this is 100% a photo you would try to take, no questions asked. There is literally no reason for me to assume there was any other party involved in taking this photo.
FELIX:
Well that’s the fun part: I didn’t take this photo!
ZEKE:
Yes you did.
FELIX:
[pause] I didn’t.
ZEKE:
You opened this segment saying you had selfies, and this angle tells me very abundantly: this is one of those selfies.
FELIX:
Alright, my hand is on the phone, but I did not willingly take the picture!
ZEKE:
Weird way to phrase it, but I get where you’re going with this.
FELIX:
Yeah? Yeah, so check it out: my phone actually has a mod put into it that lets it take two photos at a time: one regular-ass photo like this one, and another with Spectro-Vision enabled! So guess what I have on the Spectro-Vision version, but…?
[Another computer mouse click is heard as the next photograph comes on screen.]
ZEKE:
Oh shit???
FELIX:
Yeah, lookit that! Full-on possession!
ZEKE:
That certainly does look like you’re getting possessed! Are your eyes… Dude, your eyes are even glowing in this one!
FELIX:
They are? [pause as FELIX looks closer at the photo] Oh shit, yeah, they are! How come that never picks up on regular photos?
ZEKE:
Probably something to do with it being an effect of spectral possession: most people can’t regularly see ghosts or their effects on the environment, save for like, poltergeists. Sure, you can tell when someone’s acting weird and out of character - like honestly, that facial expression looks weird, even for you–
FELIX:
Hey…! Actually, yeah…
ZEKE:
But neither you or I can actually see ghosts without our gear, right?
FELIX:
[hesistant] Oh… Yeah…
ZEKE:
Yeah, so like, maybe that eye glowing thing is some adverse effect of the ghost possessing you, and can’t normally be seen without capturing the ghost in the act.
FELIX:
I guess that makes sense, but–
ZEKE:
[cutting FELIX off again] You also could’ve just doctored this photo for your own spank bank or something.
FELIX:
[stuttering pause, before FELIX groans in frustration] Do you have to keep playing the skeptic?
ZEKE:
It’s part of the dynamic~ I mean, don’t worry about it; it’s not like we don’t have more convincing depictions of actual supernatural encounters on other episodes!
FELIX:
I guess…
ZEKE:
Hey by the way, where are your clothes in this pic? I’m surprised the ghost caught you specifically when you were butt naked - hat exempt.
FELIX:
There’s a bed in the room just off camera; I threw them on there. But yeah, I guess neither of us picked up on the other’s presence until I was nude! No signs of ghost activity anywhere else in the room!
ZEKE:
So no other photos there, huh? Not a single one of the rest of the place?
FELIX:
No, I’ve got more! Here, this one’s from just before it possessed me!
[A computer mouse click is heard as a new photograph comes on screen.]
ZEKE:
Huh? Before?
FELIX:
Yeah, I thought I’d save it for later, since there wasn’t anything much to see here. At least, that hasn’t been seen before.
ZEKE:
Nono, hold on, this had to be maybe seconds - or a minute tops - before you got possessed, right?
FELIX:
Uh-huh. Yeah, you can tell because I’m flaccid in this one, right?
ZEKE:
Yeah, well–
FELIX:
[cutting ZEKE off] Fans of the show might call I’m a bit more of a grower than a shower–
ZEKE:
[cutting FELIX off again] Focus…! What does the Spectro-Vision version look like?
FELIX:
[pause, as FELIX realizes something] Wait, holy shit, lemme check…!
[There are a few mouse clicks this time, before a new photograph shows up on screen, previously unseen by either of the hosts.]
FELIX:
Oh shit!
ZEKE:
There we fuckin’ go!
FELIX:
Folks, you are getting this confirmation live! Neither of us knew about the ghost in the back before this exact moment!
ZEKE:
Yeah, now we’ve got a bit more convincing evidence! I mean, if you had a video, that’d seal the deal!
FELIX:
Fuck, I should’ve gotten a video; that would’ve been super hot, wouldn’t it?
ZEKE:
Hot and validating! But hey, we still haven’t gone over how it felt to get possessed like that, have we?
FELIX:
I mean, this isn’t the first time we’ve talked about me getting possessed on the show; it’s not that much different this time. At first, it kind of feels like most of your thoughts kinda get drowned away in a quagmire, and you can’t really move yourself around anymore? You kinda just feel like you’re dreaming for a while, just watching shit happen like a passenger in your own body.
ZEKE:
So nothing new for you, then?
FELIX:
Yeah, nah, par for the course, you know? Still hot~
ZEKE:
Well, damn. What about the type of ghost that it was?
FELIX:
Nah, that’s the thing: most ghosts can possess people like that, if only for a little bit. Demons are a lot better at it, possessing folks for much longer and having more visible manifestations through the course of their host’s haunting. Most other ghosts just phase an appendage into your head and fuck with the interaction of neurons in your brain, but the electrical impulses start to fuck them up, so they can only do it for maybe a few minutes before they have to pull out.
ZEKE:
Is that the theory behind it…?
FELIX:
Well… It’s more conjecture than anything.
ZEKE:
Suppose we’re the biggest experts we know, so…
FELIX:
Well, speaking of which, let’s switch over to our next topic after a quick break, because I gotta pee. Forgot to do it before we started recording. [FELIX can be heard getting up from his chair as he speaks]
ZEKE:
[audible sigh] Right, so coming up next, we’re gonna cover a more rounded-out discussion on the different types of ghosts and ghouls you might see haunting that abandoned house just down the road! Stay tuned!
[The podcast cuts to a break.]