Welcome home, honey– Oh! I’m so sorry, I wasn’t expecting company! Please, come in!
From work, right? Yes, he’s always telling me how wonderful it is to work with such a lively bunch! It’s good to know he’s made such good friends at his new offices! I had met him at his last posting, and if I could be honest with you…? Everyone there was so grating and gossipy! It was like being in high school all over again! When he asked me to be a stay-at-home husband, I almost can’t believe how quick I jumped for that opportunity, but thinking about it, I just couldn’t wait to get out of there, haha!
Oh, yes, it was just a little while after we got engaged. When he told me how much he’d be making at his new job, we both agreed there’d be no struggles with finances if I stuck it out at home, and it’s been so therapeutic! I’ve never been so calm and contented with life. With how big the house is, it’s always easy to keep busy with the chores, and I always have time to play around with new recipes. He’s always eager to try something new from my kitchen - well, the house is technically under his name, but he barely steps foot in the kitchen if not to give me a quick kiss on the cheek~!
Haha, I guess I AM kind of a trophy husband now, aren’t I? I know I may not be much of a bombshell like all the hunks on TV, but once you taste my chicken cacciatore, you’ll get what he’s really won! Speaking of which, I may need to step away for a bit; I’ll need to make a whole lot more food if you boys are staying over!
I majored in biology during college at first, but getting a job in the field wasn’t all that easy. I managed to get plenty of computer experience at the same time, though, so I managed to translate that into working in the tech field after a couple of years. A little while in the office later, and I met the man of my life, and we’ve been inseparable ever since!
Hm? Oh, well, I get a little bit of free time to fiddle around with the arts here and there; most of what I’ve done is just for fun, though. I’ve written a few short stories here and there when he’s away, just making pleasant stories about love and family and all of those fun things! I’ve been thinking of collecting them together and putting them into a book just for myself, or even in a publication, but nothing big, of course!
We’ve thought about having kids, yes. Adoption was one idea, but we’ve been talking a bit about this experimental procedure mostly designed for inseminating stem cells and growing ‘clones’ of sorts with donors’ genetic information. Oh no, neither of us would have to carry the child ourselves, though I guess I wouldn’t mind doing that if I had to. It would get the mother-in-law off my back about grandkids, too, haha! We’re still mulling over the details, but I’ve got enough time to cover most of the caretaking.
What? Oh, pfft!! Rumours, schumours! I know all about his affairs, of course! He loves telling me about each one! I remember last week, he brought home one of the men he’d been seeing for a bit - beautiful man, with chiseled abs - and we got to have a bit of fun of our own together~! My husband loves to take charge with me, but I’m not much the assertive type, so having this man work his magic over both of us was a lot of fun! I think I spent more time watching, but that’s plenty of fun, too!
Is that what he said~? Well, I certainly don’t mind! I’m a little tuckered out from the chores today, though, so I hope you don’t mind if I spend most of the time just watching! Actually, I guess you’ll all want somewhere to sleep, in case anyone wants to stay the night afterward, so I’ll make sure the guest rooms are all in order.
Hm? Name? Oh, right! I guess I never properly introduced myself, did I? I just kind of assumed he told you, didn’t I? It’s…
…
I uhm…
Wait, what is my name?
Why can’t I remember…?
Specimen M-26660-17-3-S-1-1 Record
Starship Vessel: FGS-SCI-43734 Kelt
Specimen Caretaker: Officer 4th Class Rep’id, ID R-59336-11-5-T-2-194473.3
Stardate of Specimen Acquisition: 101437.4
Classification Details:
Planet Identification: Earth
On-planet Species Identification: Homo Sapiens, common name ‘Human’
Species Class: Mammalian; primate lifeform; egg reproduction occurs internally
Intelligence Class: 4.5; sapient lifeforms with technology developed to basic space travel capabilities
Communication Class: 2; communicates by sound patterns, individualistic, no hivemind connections observed
Threat Class: 7; has created powerful ballistic weaponry and laser technology, but possesses limited threat levels when disarmed
Specimen Details:
Height: 164.2 cm
Weight: 78.4 kg
Reproductive Role: Sperm carrier
Specimen Intelligence Class: 4.2; sapient with considerable technology and biology training
Process Progress:
Initial Pacification Trial: Completed
Neural Scan Trial: In Progress, 47% Complete
Neural Domestication: Standby
Reproduction Trial: Standby
Caretaker Notes:
This marks the 34th sapient mammalian lifeform the Kelt has acquired during its 10000-stardate tour, retrieved approximately 500 stardates after launch. Method of acquisition was political in nature; after contact with specific Earth representatives, the lifeform was offered as a sacrifice of sorts, though initial telepathic probing suggests that the subject was unwelcome by the representatives in question. The reasoning is not immediately clear to the ship’s crew, nor is it certain the away team had approached a meaningful set of representatives for Earth’s governance. Current neural scan progress has yielded some insights to memories of the specimen, indicating they were participating in a post-secondary education, and their relation to those representatives suggests neither it - nor they - were particularly high in office among human society. The benefit of this matter is a low risk acquisition of lifeform that will yield less chances of conflict with the human species on later visits. It is recommended, however, that such contact is done by another ship, as our ship’s acquisition of a human specimen is liable to create issues on later visits.
Pacification trial was surprisingly effective; sapient lifeforms are noted to be more difficult to pacify on average, however there must be something about human society or the specimen’s individualistic aspects that yielded to a swifter and more stable pacification. In spite of its universal qualities, this caretaker is always expecting the pacification trial to have significant delays at this stage. There’s a unique quality to sapient brains that makes invoking the idea of ‘compliance’ and ‘domestication’ within them more difficult, and therefore remapping neurons on the brain’s surface to keep those ideas constant in the subject’s brain takes a full stardate on average. This information will be reported to Home Intelligence for further investigation on later sapient acquisitions to determine a common trait between such species.
This caretaker has taken note of a potential connection between the speed of the pacification trial and the specimen’s unique individualistic aspects: it is unclear if this is a common trait among the humans of Earth, however this specimen shows a vested interest in submission as a means of its personal sexual play. Observation of the specimen indicates it has hallucinated being in a one-sided union with another member of its species, where its mate holds dominion. In spite of the disadvantage of this union, the specimen is exceptionally pleased by its position, actively serving its mate in performing menial tasks with little material reward. It even appears to yield to its mate’s more adventurous social and mating rituals, convinced its position will not be destabilized. As a result, this caretaker must recommend taking the pacification trial’s swiftness into lighter consideration, as individualistic traits are a more likely candidate for the phenomenon.
Neural scan trial will take another stardate before completion. The specimen appears to be struggling with its current survival needs, however. This caretaker recommends delaying the neural domestication for a minimum of one stardate after neural scan trial completion, in order to fully nourish the specimen. Current observation of neural scans indicate the specimen has been acquiring knowledge of other specimen on Earth, and would be an unwelcome loss, should the specimen perish before the ship has fully cataloged its wealth of information. As for assignment proceeding the acquisition of the specimen’s knowledge, this caretaker cannot recommend physically strenuous tasks or calculative services. The unique biology of humans may warrant further study under more direct scrutiny, and will be recommended to such tasks upon completion of its primary trials.
More information will be added to the report with the completion of neural domestication, and as reproduction trials begin.
Audio excerpt collected from specimen testing room, will be deleted in 1 stardate unless recommended otherwise.
194473.3: And… What’s your name again?
Specimen: … can’t… remember…?
194473.3: [That might be a problem… Must’ve lost memory of its name during the pacification process. I KNEW something would go wrong with that…!] Oh, don’t worry about it! I feel like I forget my name every other day!
Specimen: Yeah… hah… of course… hh…
204218.2: [You’ve… been spending quite a lot of time with the human specimen, Rep’id… I know you’re caretaking for it, but just how much time do you intend to spend with it?]
194473.3: [As much as needed, Hl’tos… This is our first intelligent species from this planet, and I’m not letting it go to waste that easy!]
204218.2: [... Is that why your spike’s slipping out from your slit right now…?]
194473.3: [For fuck’s sake…! Mind your own business; I thought you had bridge duty today!]
204218.2: [... “may warrant further study under more direct scrutiny…” Are you gonna fuck that thing? Gross!]
194473.3: [Gimme a break! There’s something that’s alluring about these ones, is all! Like, mammals with minimal hair? They’re like a step or two away from just being reptilians, yet they still grow hair in excess at certain locations! These things are fascinating!]
204218.2: [Disgusting, is what they are… It’s ESPECIALLY weird they grow a ton of hair on the top of their heads, and almost nowhere else! Oh speaking of which, apparently the away team is suggesting there’s a sexual dichotomy in how hair grows on the species. The males of their species are more prone to growing hair around their mouths and up the jawline, so that thing must be one of the females–]
194473.3: [That’s not just disproven, but illogical. Name one species where sexual dimorphism was an absolute across the whole species. We’re a science vessel, dude, you should know better!]
2042189.2: [Whatever you say, apefucker~...]
194473.3: [Ugh… Don’t listen to them… Um… Right, no name… Well, I’ll give you a new name once we’re finished with domestication, and then I’ll be your… husband, was the word?]